Suicide. Not 'unaliving,' Suicide.

Suicide | The act of ending one's own life voluntarily and intentionally. [Merriam-Webster]

If you or someone you know needs help call or text: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Can you imagine being in such pain, you believe death is the only way to make it stop hurting? Have you ever been in such emotional pain that it physically hurts? Or experienced mental pain that torments? What happens when the voices in the world and the voices in your head come in agreement, and all their negative words and opinions scream so loud that you can't escape it? You constantly feel like you are in the middle of the ocean, drowning, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, but never die and no life line in sight.

What do you do when all that starts to scare you? Now you feel like you're losing control.

What if you wanted to open up and tell someone, but the voices in your head said,

"it's not that bad"

"you're always so negative"

"there is always something wrong with you"

"maybe if you picked better friends, boyfriends, etc. you wouldn't always get hurt by people"

"you're fine, you're just emotional"

What if you reached out to ask for help, and the voices in the world said, "I'm busy, I will call you back" or "I'll call you back in an hour."

What if you felt like you didn't an hour, or even 15 minutes more that you could handle hearing those voices that had been tormenting you for weeks, months, sometimes even years? What if the voices of the world and voices in your head came into agreement, and started screaming,

"see, we told you no one cared"

"look everyone thinks you're ridiculous, how embarrassing"

"They're probably going to tell everyone"

"hm, it's been 20 minutes still not one person returned your call or text"

"you're such a burden on everyone, they're busy"

The mind is a battlefield. A dangerous one.

I grew up in a religious home and church that taught, if you were struggling with mental health- you weren't trusting in God 'enough.' You didn't have faith in God. You didn't believe that God still performed miracles, etc. And UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE could you have Jesus and a therapist. ohhh the unthinkable! the unforgiveable! 🤫🫢🫣

Growing up, I had a seemingly typical childhood. I suppose it would seem that way, if that is all you ever knew. But, I wasn't beaten, starved, or some of the other horrific things you hear children go through and that I would later endure as an adult. So, I honestly couldn't understand for the longest time why my mind was such a war zone. I spent most of my childhood, teenage years, and young adult life so ashamed that my mind was such an anxious and depressed cell block. When I was 13 years old, I drank alcohol for the first time and started experimenting with various drugs. And there my lifelong battle with addiction began. The moment I realized that something, anything, could numb those feelings and silence those thoughts - the enemy thought he had me. BUT JESUS SAID YOU ARE MINE. 💕

Mental health was taboo, untouchable, unspeakable, unthinkable. While we have come such a long way in acknowledging this for what it is, unfortunately it has taken countless suicides and tragedies for society to wake-up. And full transparency, that's society. In the Church, it's still taboo and largely minimized.

But what happens when that labeled, rejected, mentally unstable person knocks on your door? Maybe it's friend or a person you met in passing.

What about when it hits closer to home? Maybe it's your mother, brother, sister, or child.

Will you acknowledge it then?

If my dad was still alive, he could share with you first hand what happens when that labeled, rejected, mentally unstable person is your child.

Because July 19, 2017, he received a phone call that no parent should ever have to receive. He waited outside my home on Seward Crossing, for the police to arrive and bust through the door- where he feared he would see his lifeless daughter. I don't know much about that day, but I remember my sister later telling me- my dad franticly paced my yard, saying over and over, "she's dead, isn't she? she's dead, isn't she?" And that once he heard the cop's voice say, "she's not in here." He lost it, crying. Mind you, I've only seen my dad cry 2x my whole life, 1. when my grandma died 2. his last few days in the hospital before he died. My sister saw him cry 3x, the same 2 times as me + the day I tried take my own life. All the house on Seward Crossing had to offer at the time they entered, was 12 handwritten suicide notes and countless empty pill and alcohol bottles. It would take another hour++, before they located the hospital where his child was fighting for her life.

I was 29 years old at the time and a mom of 4 children. But to him, I was still his baby. My dad never contributed to even one negative thought I had about myself, nor did he speak one negative word into me. He was the only person that had never abandoned me, shamed me, or tore me down. Yet, when I finally woke up some days later, he would spend the next few months blaming himself and reeling through... as her parent, what could I have done different?

Now that I have young adult children of my own, the thought of receiving a similar phone call absolutely terrifies me. After July 19, 2017, LOTS of therapy, and EVEN MORE JESUS- [and in my healing era, I might add] - I raise my children completely different than my upbringing, in effort to bring them up healthier. My children DO know about my suicide attempt. The older ones fully know what that means. The two littles know that when they were younger, their mama had some mental health 'stuff,' that she needed to get help for. When they are older and able to see and focus on the good that came from it, I will talk with them more in detail. Just like I have with their big brothers. I do not hide it and I am not ashamed of it.

• We do NOT ignore mental health in our home.

• We openly and actively discuss it, and do so frequently.

• If I notice a child is "off" I address it.

• My children are allowed to be and express their feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, etc. [Which they almost always do respectfully.]

• When I hurt their feelings or make them mad, they 100% know they can express that to me and we will talk through it.

• I apologize to my children, often.

• They apologize, too.

• Despite how we feel in a moment, none of us want to hurt another in the midst of our own hurt.

• All (5) of us have been in a therapist office, and some of us have been there A LOT.

• Some of us are or have been medicated for our mental struggles.

• MOST IMPORTANTLY - I relentlessly pour into them the TRUTH & WHAT JESUS SAYS ABOUT THEM. So, when the world tries to feed them lies, they are armed with the truth. But, it doesn't make them bullet proof. The shots fired still hurt, sometimes greatly. And when they do, we pray for the ones holding the gun. Because my children know hurt people, hurt people. My children know to look for what God sees in people and not what their flesh wants to see. They aren't perfect, and their flesh wages war just like anyone else. They know their words matter, and that physical injury may heal, but emotional injury never fully goes away.

Suicide Statistics | According to www.cdc.com

2022

• 1.6 Million suicide attempts

• 49,476 deaths by suicide [Which means, every 11 minutes, 1 person is in such agony and torment, they believe death is their only option.]

• 11th leading cause of death in the U.S. for all ages

• 2nd leading cause of death for ages 10-14 and ages 20-34

• 3rd leading cause of death for ages 15-19

  💔Seeing the amount of young people ages 10-19 this affects is just devastating. They haven't reached the 'typical' stressful parts of life that we commonly think of. I.e. finances, children, marriages, divorces, etc. Which on most accounts would suggest they are in 'unstable' homes and/or bullying at school.

  PLEASE TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO BE KIND. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

  & as parents, we have to remember that, more is caught than taught. It doesn't matter how many times we tell our children what they should do or how they should act, if they see us behaving completely different, its void.

2023

• Currently, there are over 49,300 reported deaths by suicide, according to preliminary data. [That number is expected to increase as more death investigations are completed and reported.]

What does God's word say about Suicide and mental health?

Another question I'm often asked since I started sharing my Testimony,

"Do you think people go to hell if they commit suicide?" I could spend hours discussing this one topic and have scripture backed with more scripture that I could point you to. But since I know I won't hold your attention very long, I will make it as short and sweet as a I can.

My answer is NO.

100% and with full confidence, I do NOT believe if a believer commits suicide they go to hell. Here are just a few places in scripture the Lord has shown me,

ACTS 2:21
And it shall be that EVERYONE who calls on the name of the Lord shall be saved. 

ROMANS 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

The Bible tells us about (7) different people who committed suicide. This point isn't to argue if these men were ever Godly men or had backslid- I am highlighting their names, solely for the scripture that will follow.

King Saul [1 Samuel 31:4]

Saul's Armor-Bearer [1 Samuel 31:5]

Ahithopel [2 Samuel 17:23]

Abimelech [Judges 9:54]

Zimri [1 Kings 16:18]

Samson [Judges 16:30]

Judas [Matthew 27:5]

Hebrews 12:1
Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every hindrance and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us. 

Hebrews 11:32-28
And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson and Jephthah, about David and Samuel and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. Women received back their dead, raised to life again. There were others who were tortured, refusing to be released so that they might gain an even better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, and even chains and imprisonment. They were put to death by stoning; they were sawed in two; they were killed by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, living in caves and in holes in the ground.

Hebrews 12 "The Great Cloud of Witnesses" is referring to the list of the Lord's faithful servants from Hebrews 11. This point alone was enough to show me that death by suicide does not automatically equate to an eternity separated from God. If Samson intentionally knocked the pillars out, knowing it would crush and kill him, that is suicide by definition. Thinking a little deeper, Samson asked God for the strength to do that. God knew he would "commit suicide" but God knows our hearts, motives, and intentions.

Just like He knew the weight of the world that your loved one was carrying when they thought suicide was their only option. He saw their broken hearts, He heard their cries, He was standing beside them as they tried to fight the voices in their head, and his heart broke for them. The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy [John 10:10.] But what he intended to harm me, God intended it for good and to bring about the present result, many lives saved [Genesis 50:20.] God sees a whole film, when we only see a slide.

HIS children are hurting & dying by their own hands because the weight of that hurt is too much to carry.

Friends, WE HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY here. I don't know what that looks like for each of us individually, but I do know there is something each of us can contribute. For a lot of us, that may look like praying against spirits of depression, anxiety, anger, bitterness, jealousy. For some, Intercession/standing in the gap for loved ones. For others to rebuke and bind mental illnesses and schemes of the enemy. Some to speak truth and claim God's promises over generations. And some of us are called to break generational curses. But what confidence we have knowing, if God calls you, He equips you! I challenge you each to seek the Lord in what He wants you to do!

💙Ezekiel 22:30 💙James 5:16 💙1 Timothy 2:1💙Mark 3:15 💙Luke 9:1-2 💙

And don't ever forget that we serve the God of Abraham, Isaac, & Jacob.❤️ The same God with the same power and promises. What power there is in the name of Jesus.

💙Hebrews 13:8 💙Malachi 3:6

Jesus loves you and I'm trying,

Jennifer #sittingwithsinners