Two words: Spiritual Warfare
Front line of the battlefield.
Spiritual and warfare.
Over the last few years, I have felt these [2] words more closely united than ever before.
Front line of the battlefield.
I've been a believer my entire life and raised in the Church. I'd later find myself running away from God, not because I didn't believe, actually the opposite. I very much believed and was terrified. Thankfully, the Lord never let me run very far and I found Jesus outside of the legalistic version I was taught. Even through all of those different seasons, I never truly understood what people meant when they talked about spiritual warfare, until recently. I feel as if I have been on the front line of that battlefield. This weird place of constantly being defeated, yet somehow unable to die. Sometimes I have to shout Jesus louder than the demons talk inside my head.
It's no secret that I've been struggling since the day my dad died. Let's be honest I've been struggling my entire life. But for the first year and half after my dad's death, there was this internal war waged inside of me, that I couldn't seem to overcome.
Time and time again, when I felt defeated, Jesus sustained me.
"I created you, Do not fear, I have redeemed you. I called you by name; you are mine. When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you." - Isaiah 43:1The [10] days I spent with my dad in the hospital until he died, hands down, were the most bittersweet days of my entire existence. [That's not a challenge Lord, please don't top it.] While I know my dad died knowing how much I loved him. That I never left him or quit fighting for him. Some of the things I heard and saw in that hospital room, still haunt me to this day.
One being a conversation between him and I on his hospital bed in the middle of the night.
DAD: "Bug, [that was the nickname he called me most of my life] what if I don't go to heaven?
ME: "Why, would you say that? You ARE going to heaven, because you believe in your heart and confess that Jesus Christ was crucified on a cross for your sins, was buried, and rose again.
...that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. -Romans 10:9DAD: "Because I never read the bible all the way through, and I didn't get baptized."
ME: ..the sinner on the cross in Luke, that was crucified beside Jesus.
he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." Jesus answered, "Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise." -Luke 23:42-43My heart broke for my dad in that conversation. NOT because I doubted his salvation. My dad 100% believed he desperately needed a savior, and that JESUS was the only one that could save him. I knew undoubtedly that my dad was going to soon close his eyes to this world and open them to Jesus. My heart hurt for him in the moment because:
My Dad lived his entire 62 years believing he needed to earn the love of Jesus. That his salvation could be dependent on what he did. Never fully embracing that his salvation had ZERO to-do with anything he did or even could do, and ONE HUNDRED PERCENT because of what Jesus DID for Ernie.
While I DO NOT believe that reading your bible and being baptized are required in exchange for your salvation. [Again, NOTHING we did, EVERYTHING JESUS DID DO!] - I DO FULLY BELIEVE, READING YOUR BIBLE & BEING BAPTIZED ARE GIFTS FROM GOD, that reap blessings upon blessings in this lifetime. Everything I've ever needed was found in the word of GOD. And the step of obedience in baptism, opened my life up to spiritual gifts that have since changed everything for me. I do believe my dad missed out on some pretty cool things from his heavenly Father.
After he passed, I was talking to my sister about that conversation between he & I. And she said something along the lines of 'look at the fruits of the spirit, dad showed every single one of them.' She was absolutely correct. He truly was the best person, with the biggest heart, and softest spirit I have ever known.
Back to the spiritual warfare piece.....
Sometimes when you attempt to do what is right, what is good, what is pure, sometimes you walk in the obedience to the Lord, sometimes you humble yourself more than ever before and you find the version of selflessness that you didn't even know you were capable of, and somehow you still keep getting met with opposition and disappointment. You start questioning if it's you. Maybe I am the problem. Maybe I'm not the 'child of God' that I think that I am. Maybe I really don't hear him speaking to me like I hope he is. Maybe my walk isn't as mature as I thought it was. Maybe I have this all wrong. Maybe I should just quit. (BTW, those are all lies, friend. That's the enemy slowing your progression. That's the enemy derailing you from your path. That's the enemy's endless pursuit to win you back to the dark side.)
Unfortunate for him, I am as hardheaded as they come. So, I'm going to keep running to the light thooooough.🙌 While the demons inside my head were yelling all those things, the soft and gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit pursued me. He didn't have to yell or bring a smoke show. He beats the enemy time after time and always will. The Spirit brought to me the conversation with my sister about my dad and the fruits of the spirit. And he challenged me.
"You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough. I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty." -Galatians 5:7-10"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore, by their fruits you will know them." -Matthew 7:15-20"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." -Galatians 5:22-23Although the challenge was a little scary, it was necessary. I needed to be reminded of who I was in Christ. aaaand this challenge did just that.
I sent over [20] people the following text:
"I have a favor. Please take this seriously, it's for something I am working on, 😬 If you could only use ONE word to describe me, what would it be?"
I had [3] groups of people and here are their answers:
Immediate Family [same home]
💜loving
💜provider
💜pure-hearted
💜favorite [he got extra allowance😅]
💜indescribable [pax, may actually be a very intentional genius. Award for the safest answer- goes to him. Lol. And award for answer that has me still pondering if that's a good or bad thing- goes to him, too]
Close Friends / Extended Family
💛fortitudinous [I had to use the dictionary]
💛fierce
💛determined
💛religious
💛compassionate
💛steadfast
💛strong
💛passionate
💛lively
💛positive
💛spiritual
💛💛determined [X2]
💛loving
💛caring
New Friends [6 months or less]
💚supportive
💚brave
💚strong
💚blessed
💚encouraging
💚motivated
💚selfless
The Lord knew I needed to see these. He reminded me that I am his child, and you know by the fruit.
I was able to see the fruits that are visible, and he also used this challenge to show me the fruit I need to grow.
One morning soon after the fruit of the spirit exercise, I got up with a heavy heart and went for a drive. I didn't brush my teeth or my hair [judge me now.] I still had on the same clothes from Paxton's baseball game last night. I drove for an hour or so before I found myself at my dad's memorial site. I looked down at what a mess I was and smiled. My dad was the cleanest person you'd ever meet. He showered a minimum of [2x] a day. Brushed his teeth a minimum of [4x] a day. Annnnnd he wouldn't be caught dead in the same clothes' [2] days in a row [I'm convinced that's why he wanted to be cremated and nothing to do with his fear of small spaces and being buried underground,] nonetheless- he wouldn't have judged me. He would have embraced me, hugged me, and loved on my heavy heart. Because that's who he is was.
My entire life, my dad's fruit was evident. He loved ALL people, and he never judged a soul. His heart was rare, it was the gentlest heart I've ever known this side of heaven. I truly believe he saw people like Jesus sees them. There was evidence of ONE HUNDRED PRECENT of the Fruit of the Spirit in Ernie Pruett and his life.
🩵He was Love.
🩵He was joyful.
🩵He was Peaceful.
🩵He was Patient.
🩵He was kind.
🩵He was good.
🩵He was Faithful.
🩵He was Gentle.
🩵He was self-controlled. [Galatians 5:22-23].
God's word says, 'you'll know them by their fruit.' It does not say you would know them by their fruit 100% of the time.
Know the difference between: 100% of the fruit >>>VS<<< 100% of the time
MAKE NO MISTAKE. We are human. As long as we are in this failing flesh, there will be DAYS not every day, but some days that we fall short, make poor decisions, respond hatefully, display sadness, react with hostility, grow impatient, become unfaithful, or seem harsh and lack self-control. THANK GOD that HE knew 100% of us are human, falling short and in desperate need of a SAVIOR. 🙌
The goal isn't perfection, it's progression.
So, I'll end with these final thoughts...
When you die, how will people remember you?
What one word would family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and strangers use to describe you?
What fruits are visible in your life and which ones do you want to grow in?
Mine is self-control. I need to grow in self-control. Mainly of my emotions, but sometimes my shopping habits, too. 😅
Jesus loves you and I'm trying!
Jennifer #sittingwithsinners
